Can you be de facto without living together
Updated 2026-08-09. General information, not legal advice.
Sometimes, yes. "Living together as a couple", the core of the de facto definition, describes the character of the relationship, not a tenancy arrangement. NZ courts have found couples to be de facto while keeping two homes, where the rest of the picture, commitment, intertwined finances, constant time together, a public life as partners, showed one shared life across two addresses. The address is one factor in the section 2D list, never the whole answer.
How can a couple with two homes be de facto?
Because every other factor can point the same way. Consider a couple who have been together for years, stay at each other's places most of the week, travel together, support each other financially, are treated by both families as a unit, and simply never gave up a second flat, for work, for children from earlier relationships, or for space. A court weighing duration, commitment, finances, children and reputation can conclude the couple lives together as a couple in every sense that matters.
Courts have also held that the relationship can begin before the couple share a single home: the start date is when the shared life began, which matters directly for the three year threshold.
Where is the line?
There is no bright line, which is the honest answer and the legal one. A steady boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with separate lives, separate money and no merged commitments is not de facto just because it is long. The more the relationship resembles a marriage in substance, shared finances, mutual commitment, interdependence, a public life as a couple, the more likely it qualifies, with or without one address. Uncertainty here is not a comfort; it is a risk that cuts both ways, because property consequences may be accruing (or not) without either of you knowing.
What to do if this describes you
Treat the uncertainty itself as the signal. If you are years into a committed relationship across two households, you may already be inside the Act, with the equal sharing default attaching to more than you think. The clean solution does not require moving in or breaking up: a contracting out agreement records what your relationship is, fixes its start date as an agreed fact, and sets property rules you both chose, whatever a court might later have decided the addresses meant.
Common questions
- Can you be in a de facto relationship while living apart in NZ?
- Yes, in the right circumstances. Courts assess the whole relationship using the section 2D factors; a committed, financially intertwined, publicly recognised couple can be de facto across two homes. A shared address is evidence, not a requirement.
- Does staying over a few nights a week make us de facto?
- Not by itself. Frequency of staying over is part of the picture, alongside commitment, finances, duration, children and how others see you. It is the combination that decides it.
- We are long-distance. Could we still be de facto?
- It is possible where the shared life is otherwise strong, though physical separation makes it harder to establish. Couples in this position who care about the answer should record their intentions in an agreement rather than leave it to later argument.
Sources
All information published on prenup.nz, including this guide, is general information only and is not to be construed as legal advice. We strongly recommend seeking independent legal advice about your own situation. A contracting out agreement only binds you once each partner has taken independent legal advice and a lawyer has witnessed and certified each signature, as section 21F of the Property (Relationships) Act 1976 requires.